 Out
of Jurisdiction:
Judge Vardigan in Los Angeles
Say what
you want about Los Angeles and I probably won't interrupt you. Yes, the
horizon is the color of a rusty tin can. Yeah, all the rivers have concrete
beds. And sure, you need a map every time you want to go somewhere, and
then must drive a car many miles to reach that place. But if your destination
is a restaurant or a bar, your choices are endless and, by Füd Court
standards, immensely desirable. Check it...
 Palms
Thai Restaurant
5273 Hollywood Blvd.
Located
in one of L.A.'s 849 strip malls and surrounded by other Thai restaurants
in "Thai Town," Palms boasts pretty good Pad Thai and curries.
But if you happen to catch a set from the Thai Elvis, those dishes take
on a surreal excellence. On this night he did five or so Elvis numbers,
and then an inexplicable "Imagine" cover. Did Presley cover
Lennon? Not to my knowledge. In any event, he's the real deal.
Apple
Pan
10801 W. Pico Blvd.
As my
friend Arty tells it, "Between the paper plates, paper burger wraps,
paper drinking cones and styrofoam water cups, Apple Pan is unabashedly
eco-unfriendly." He'd also proclaimed it home to his favorite burger
in the United States, which is one helluva claim from a man who eats more
burgers than any other American. Like many places in L.A., Apple Pan's
got a great old-school feel. A 20-seat formica counter and all the cooking
action and waitering going on right in front of you. I loved the Hickory
Burger, smothered in a smashing barbeque sauce, and the pecan pie a la
mode capped the meal perfectly. When I saw the brush-cut old counterman
scrawl a multiple pie order on the counter and later erase it, I was sold.
That cinched Apple Pan as one of the all-time burger joints for me.
 Pink's
709 N. La Brea (near Melrose in Hollywood)
Pink's
hotdog stand has stood since 1939, and judging from the 30 people in line
at 2:30 p.m., reaching 2039 should be no great challenge. I'd dreamed
of Pink's since seeing it featured on a PBS
special about hotdogs around America. The menu
is heart-stopping, particularly the bacon-cheeseburger dog, which marries
a Polish dog, burger, bacon, and cheese inside a burger bun church. I
imagine most people drive straight to the hospital afterwards. The Pink
people are also famous for crowding piles of pastrami around dogs —
no joke. I went low-key with a Chicago Poli, while my dining tour guide
Tricknick Danny Tice went with the turkey dog (pictured here). They don't
skimp with the trimmings, and washing it down with an old-school Bubble
Up made for a perfect little lunch on an LA afternoon.
Café
Tropical
Sunset Blvd., in Silver Lake
Tour
guide Tricycle, a former Bay Area resident, called Tropical a San Francisco-type
"oasis," and I can see what he means. This place would be comfortable
in the Lower Haight, easy. Fresh pastries (I had a cherry turnover) and
knockout coffee that I crave even now. Apparently Brazilian, it kind of
mixes your average cup of joe with a latte. And they serve it hot as hell,
which thrilled me. Rounding out its San Francisco feel, some dude (name
of Robert Mitchell) approached us with petitions and urged us to drop
our affiliation and join the Peace & Freedom Party, whose platform he
couldn't explain at all.
India
Sweets 'n Spices
Venice Blvd.
This
one's a secret little gem. It's a few doors down from the Museum
of Jurassic Technology, which you should visit, but I cannot explain
why (it is too much for a füd report). Stop in after the museum and
grab some samosas (60 cents for veggie) and whatever else looks good behind
the glass, and then eat them while discussing the exhibits and watching
kids play cricket on the concrete of the parking lot next door.
 Versailles
I don't
know where this one is, but I know there are two of them and that we ate
at the newer one. Come here with a voracious appetite, and order the garlic
chicken. They'll give you half a roasted chicken sitting in shallow juices
flavored with lemon and garlic. This chicken alone could fill you up,
but they also throw in fried plantains (dunk them in the chicken shallows),
black beans and rice, some sliced bread, and maybe one other thing I don't
remember. It's a full meal, and everyone I spoke to down there is a big
fan.
House
of Pies
1869 N. Vermont Ave.
My last
bite in LA I sat there with old Dan, gulping coffee and water after an
afternoon above the city, wandering around Griffith Park and Observatory.
Like so many restaurants and bars in LA, Pies is dominated by booths,
which is a very good and comfortable thing. We split a slice of Bavarian
Chocolate Banana Cream Pie. I don't know how you beat pie and coffee in
a booth. A big thanks to Danny Tario for driving me everywhere I wanted
to go, even when we didn't know how to get there.
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